DEALING WITH EMOTIONALY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS

“It all started right here on facebook, a guy sent me a friend request and I accepted him. We were casual friends for Months till we bond later through constant interactions. We are from the same State & village.

He was in a relationship at the time we became friends but I wasn’t. He was a nice guy, fun to be with and very humorous. I so enjoyed chatting with him everyday, especially when I am at work. locked in the traffic on my way home and in the night.

We call each other daily atleast 3 times. We would gist about everything in the universe. Childhood stories, life issues, our vision, families, our jobs but the only thing he doesn’t like talking about is his relationship. I let it lie since we have our friendship going on well but I do feel bad sometimes, I wondered what time does he have left to spend with the lady because we are always on the phone together at nights.

My family called my attention to it teasingly “This one that you are always on the phone with +++++”

“Is he your fiance?” “Noooooo” I snapped “Your boyfriend?”I endured the trouble of defending myself to convince them “We are just friends””Just Friends” my mom would wink

One day, he didn’t call me as usual and I was restless at work. I tried to discipline myself not to call him but I couldn’t. I got tired of glancing at my phone so I called him and his phone was switched off.

I felt at peace knowing that it must be power problem. He called me later in the day and was almost screaming “I miss you Esther” “I love you very much ” I had flat battery that’s why I didn’t call you during the day.

My heart jumped into my throat! What? did he just say “I love you to me”I love you too! I missed you!

I replied. The conversation had to end there. We couldn’t continue. We both just spilled out the content of our hearts.

I sat down and felt goose bumps on my skin. Am I stupid? What has come over me? What poison did I just spilled out? Oh my Goodness! I was moved to tears. I felt like putting my head down and give it many knocks. My mood was gloomy throughout the day.

He called me later in the evening, he was all joy.

“Esther why are you cold tonight? What’s the issue? He asked

“There’s nothing” I replied “Don’t you feel like talking to me tonight?””Not really but I’m just feeling stupid” I replied “Because we expressed our love for each other?” “Yes””I mean it that I love you” he repeated “I love you too but why are we at this point? Why are we together?

He started narrating how he wished he has known me before proposing to the other lady. He complained about his girlfriend who is not so social bla bla….Oh John,i quipped…You mean you took away my heart and you already knew you are dating someone else? I suddenly felt stung with a javelin in my heart…The love that was in me stung deep…Sudden pain came that i never knew was in me…I felt jealous in some way.

I told him aside from all those issues you may have with your girlfriend, the truth remains that you are in a relationship, so we shouldn’t be like this together.

Fine I understand we started our friendship on a plain note but obviously it is no longer so”

We ended the conversation. I cried. How did I get to this point?

I opened up to my mum that I am emotionally entangled with the guy “I called my friend”

At this time, he has become a friend to my family on the phone, our first meeting was at the Redeemed Camp.

My mom advised “KEEP OFF”

“How will I do it?” I reasoned.

I sat down and reasoned with my brain, even if this guy is not in a relationship, does he pass for the man God had revealed to me? NO

So why am I hanging around him? I devised a way to stop him from hanging unnecessarily around me.

So why are my emotions driving me nuts? I asked myself I regained my lost sense.

This is an emotional relationship!

He needed me for his emotional support because his fiancee was boring and I was single and needed someone to talk to.

I applied “WITHDRAWAL METHOD” ,which i advise someone else entangled in such a web, to do the same. It is a rule of Self-discipline!

He would call, I would ignore.

Sometimes I would pick but sound very “straight and casual”

If he complains I didn’t call, I would tell him sorry” but still wouldn’t call the next day

If he tries to express his love for me, I would ask him about his fiancée. I started advising him to initiate conversation with her since he’s the talking type.

Gradually, the daily conversations turned to weekly, to Monthly till the cobwebs ward off.

I must confess, the tuzzle within me was difficult but it is self-discipline.

He’s married now to that same lady and I am married but my question to you all is, are you in an emotional relationship?

One of the ways to help you give definition to it is to WITHDRAW your affection.

If you are a brother , and you know your intention is not for a relationship, withdraw your affection from the sister.

You are a sister, you can’t call him “my friend” and he didn’t propose a relationship to you but “hanging around you beyond ordinary”

Withdraw the frequent calls, night chats, romantic conversations, outings, just do it step by step so that you don’t lose a TRUE FRIEND. This withdrawal can help both of you in DEFINING YOUR FRIENDSHIP. Above all,draw near to God more than before in prayer. When you are hurt emotionally, the solution is in talking to God and crying to him…and then talking to those who care about you..eg parents and friends who matter to you.Talk to friends of the same gender, not just any friend, and soon, you will look back and thank God for everything. Above all, remember Jesus is the only friend who sticks closer to you more than a brother. God bless you